My husband came to me today with an incredible realization. He was telling me that a while ago he heard someone say that when married people yell from room to room instead of going in the room to speak to the other person or to ask a question - something gets lost in translation and they end up getting angry at each other many times or frustrated with each other. He said, I think that's what happens with you and the girls. I thought about it for about a minute and realized, he is so right. I never thought about it, but we yell from room to room. They are always yelling "MOMMY" and I'm yelling, "WHAT?" Instead of either them coming to ask me a question or me going to the to see what they need. *light bulb turns on over head* That is such a major problem in our house! I get so frustrated yelling back and forth! Not only that, but I have anxiety problems. Like, really bad ones! Like, need medication but trying to do without it kind of thing. So when yelling happens, my anxiety level shoots up automatically. Add in any extra stress from family or friends or life in general and I can't take it. I just feel so overwhelmed by anxiety that I can't function the way I should.
I'm realizing that it's ok to have anxiety problems and it's taken over 10 years to understand this. It's ok that I can't handle everything being thrown at me, it's the way God made me. Well, it's not ok, like "Yay! I have problems!" But like, "Ok, this is for real, not something I'm making up in my head, how can I make a change?". Instead of trying to take everthing on, I'm trying to figure out ways to relieve some of that anxiety. It's taken so long for me to pick out the things that will cause stress and not have those things in my daily life. It's not easy but it's really necassary for me and my sanity! It's funny but when I was pregnant and breast feeding, I was fine. I guess all chemicals and hormones had balanced themsleves out. (Don't get any ideas, people! I can't be pregnant or breastfeeding forever so there is no point in going back for a short while of balanced living!) I remember telling Rob, "I think this is the way people are supposed to feel. It's great!" Now, I'm trying to intentionally live in a way that will bring myself less stress. This is not always in my control though. I can't control the people around me and how they react and things they say (husband included!!!). I guess that is something I'll have to keep figuring out. It's gotten easier with Rob. He is a man of God and acountable for his own actions. I don't *usually* worry about what he says! But, I can't control how people act toward me or what they do or say. I am learning (very slowly) to just step back and not let it overwhelmingly upset me and get me out of sorts. I have a very long way though. I'm one of those people who will run a converstation, situation or comment over and over and over and over in my head wondering what I should have done or said differently. What should I have said or done to make it right, better, ok or even how could I have just made it turn out different? I can dirve myself crazy with it, I really can! I can also drive Rob crazy with it (sorry, Babe and thanks for the all the patience). So, that is something else I have really been trying to change. I have to make things right in my head to make everything ok before I can let anything go. But, really, what I need to do is check all my actions, reactions and words against what Godhas told me is right through His Word. Then I feel I can live a life without second guessing myself and worrying about everything. While I've made leaps and bounds torward this, tomorrow I'll be taking a new step by letting the girls know - we are no longer shouting from room to room to talk or ask questions.
BTW, does the title of the blog sound familiar? Just wondering if anyone else knows what that is from?? It's one of my favorite movies!
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