Tuesday's Travels

One of the places I want to visit and work on for a few days. Eventually I'd love to own one.

When I was little my favorite book was Cranberry Thanksgiving about a girl named Maggie who lived on a cranberry bog and that started my love, plus there was a recipe for cranberry bread that my mom made (and still does) every Thanksgiving, and it's wonderful! I was amazed when I saw a picture of a cranberry bog for the first time, they are so beautiful and so interesting. I found a cranberry bog and house for sale, I only need $750,000. Ya know, just a couple years and I should be able to afford that, right???

Just thinking about walking outside in the crisp, fall air, with beautiful fall colored trees and bright red cranberries every where, for me, there doesn't seem to be anything more perfect! I can smell it and feel that fresh, cool air now....

Curve balls - good or bad?

Isn't it strange how when you think you have everything figured out, a curve ball is thrown in and you start to question everything? Seriously. Every time I think I've got life figured out and I know what's going on, where we are going and I've got everything under control - something changes. Well, right now it's more than 1 curve ball being thrown at Rob and me. It can be a good thing to wake you and shake you and change where you are headed or it can be a bad thing because it distracts you and takes you back some steps. I'm not sure which it is for us right now, but I'll be praying about it all, that's for sure.

1st day of the fast

Have you ever typed "Facebook Addiction Disorder", otherwise known as FAD? I kid you not, it's real and you can be diagnosed with it! That is just crazy, but oh so believable! Thankfully, I don't think I have that, but that's a warning to everyone out there!

On my first day of fasting from FB, I plan to:

• Spend one additional hour talking to God (at least)
• Finish painting the girl's bathroom
• Get reconnected with Flylady and keep up with it!
• Go on a walk
• Get some budgeting figured out

I'm really interested to see if during this time, I start to feel more led to pray about one thing on my prayer list then others. Right now it seems to be praying for the youth group and the direction it should go in.

The queen of lists

As most of you know I'm fasting from Facebook. I know that seems strange, but truly, I was spending way too much time on there. I would look around on FB instead of doing housework. I would just be on Facebook to do anything other than what I should be doing.

I've been going through a lot of change and growth lately. And it has been AWESOME!!! I love the things I'm learning, I'm just soaking everything in and I just want more and more which is why I'm taking this step.

I'm the queen of making lists. I will make lists of lists - I kid you not, my lists are long and have sub lists. It's easy for me to have 5 different lists going at any one time. Rob and my dad joke about my lists. It just makes me feel better to have everything written down...whether I do them or not is another story. Lately I have not been doing them, but man, I was writing them like crazy! It seems so silly to me that I have to fast from FB and write about it, gah, how pathetic am I?? But, hey, Satan will use whatever he can to distract me from God and he is using so many distractions for me. So, I decided to make a list tonight and to actually follow this list. Here it is:

Why am I fasting?

• To focus on God more
• To pray more

What am I praying for?

• My work schedule (as I am thinking about adding another day of work to my crazy life)
• Youth Group (I so believe in this youth group and want to pray it goes in the direction God has planned and is blessed)
• Forgiveness for myself and to help me forgive others
• Freedom from regret
• My church
• My pastors
• My marriage
• Exercise (this may seem silly, but I have gained a lot of weight and am very unhappy and feel badly about myself and feel very unhealthy which worries me)
• Setting a better example for my daughters
• Wisdom for my husband
• Righteousness for myself and for Rob
• Time management
  

When will I pray?

I'll have my regular quiet time in the mornings and pray then as I usually do. But each time I think about getting on FB or spending more time on the computer, then I'll stop and pray even more fervently for the things listed above. After all, that is what fasting is about. Taking something that is natural, something you do a lot and taking it away - then every time you think about it, you are reminded to pray.

I've decided to be really careful and actually take it a step further. I'm going to limit myself to 1/2 hour on the computer per day so I don't just fill the FB time with something else. I am writing my blogs on paper when I'm alone so as not to take more time on the computer. I know that usually when you fast it is to pray for 1 thing in particular, but I feel the need to pray for all those different things.

It's not easy and I'm already thinking, this is so silly! Why make such a big deal about it? Why not just hop on a couple times a day to check up on friends...but, I'm trying my best not to! And now, I'm going to go pray!

Tuesday's Travels

One of the greatest loves of my life is traveling. I can't get enough of it. It's one of the reasons I haven't had more children, one of the reasons I was hesitant about buying a larger house and something that is on my mind - A LOT. I thought I would post some of the places I want to travel to in no particular order:

Greece (water and the beauty of the white cities built onto the side of the cliffs...yes, I know most hate Americans!)
Ireland (cliffs, countryside and castles, seeing Rob enjoy trying some of the beer)
Australia (Sydney)
Africa (my heart always tells me I need to go back and experience even more)
Spain (Rob can speak the language and I want to see the beautiful old sites and try the wine and eat all day!)
France (Paris..though Rob is not too keen on going to France!)
England ('Arry Pot'er...platform 9 and 3/4)
Switzerland (the gorgeous snow capped mountains and quaint towns in the valleys)
Austria (The Sound of Music. Need I say more? I want to dance and twirl on the hills and sing, "the hills are alive with sound of music!" I want to have a picnic and lay on a hill and look at the sky, roll around on the hills and just be.)
Germany (the food and beautiful sites)
Brazil (to see Cristo Redentor)
Fiji (ha! one can dream!)
Thailand (beaches!!)
Hong Kong (what a mysterious city full of bustle with old Asian influence mixed in)
China (the great wall)

Most of these places I want to see the countryside, but some I want to hang out in the city and see what it's all about!

I'm sure there are more! I really want to start checking these off my list of places to see. I've seen a lot and traveled outside of the US several times and I love it. I'm so thankful I've had opportunities to see some more of the world that the US. I need a job where I travel....

It's been awhile....

I'm really bad at staying organized in case you didn't know! My mind is always going a million different directions and never focuses on one thing, so it's hard to get anything done. Much less keep up with a blog regularly!

Since I last wrote a blog, I've been on 2 trips with our youth group. It was great to get to spend more than just a couple hours with the youth. I spent 2 weeks with them! It really helped me get to know them better and they are truly an awesome group of teens. I'm not just saying that. There is an incredible amount of potential there....ah potential. What a scary word! You look at people and see what they can do, but you just never know if they realize it. Shoot, it's hard for me to see my own potential, how can i expect others to see theirs?? It made me believe in the road Rob and I are traveling even more though. There is a burning inside me to really see these guys and girls not just thrive, but to truly change the world and I can see how it's possible. We went first on a mission trip to New Jersey. It's been a LOOOONG time since I had been on a mission trip, but it was so good for me to go and do stuff for others. We also went to a youth camp in FL and it was so wonderful to have that worship and hear messages on time. Man...time is incredibly valuable and something that once it is gone...it's never to be back. I waste an incredible amount of time thinking about the things I want to do or should be doing. It drives me crazy...there are so many things to take up our time and to waste our time on. Here's something that might be sad - I think it would be harder for me to fast from technology then from food. That's sad, isn't it? I'm not sure I could survive. But, i think I'm going to have to try it. To try and see how a day or week would be without tv, texting, computer...*gasp!*....I know, I almost start convulsing just thinking about it. But, there are some serious things going on right now that I need to spend a lot of time praying about. One of which is my upcoming schedule. I really did not think I could get any more busy, but this coming school year is going to be so crazy and I need to pray for God to lead me to do the things that are really important and let go of some other things.

Rob is *thisclose* to having his Associates Degree. I'm so proud of him and so excited that the first leg of this marathon is almost done. He's on his last class now. Then seminary. But, he's taking a break between so he doesn't get burnt out which is perfect!

So to sum it all up, I'm totally distracted and terrible at taking the time to actually write anything amusing or fun to read, I think I'll die if I go on a technology fast and I'm getting ready to be incredibly busy.

I'm not shouting! Alright, I am shouting! I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shouting!!

My husband came to me today with an incredible realization. He was telling me that a while ago he heard someone say that when married people yell from room to room instead of going in the room to speak to the other person or to ask a question - something gets lost in translation and they end up getting angry at each other many times or frustrated with each other. He said, I think that's what happens with you and the girls. I thought about it for about a minute and realized, he is so right. I never thought about it, but we yell from room to room. They are always yelling "MOMMY" and I'm yelling, "WHAT?" Instead of either them coming to ask me a question or me going to the to see what they need. *light bulb turns on over head* That is such a major problem in our house! I get so frustrated yelling back and forth! Not only that, but I have anxiety problems. Like, really bad ones! Like, need medication but trying to do without it kind of thing. So when yelling happens, my anxiety level shoots up automatically. Add in any extra stress from family or friends or life in general and I can't take it. I just feel so overwhelmed by anxiety that I can't function the way I should.

I'm realizing that it's ok to have anxiety problems and it's taken over 10 years to understand this. It's ok that I can't handle everything being thrown at me, it's the way God made me. Well, it's not ok, like "Yay! I have problems!" But like, "Ok, this is for real, not something I'm making up in my head, how can I make a change?". Instead of trying to take everthing on, I'm trying to figure out ways to relieve some of that anxiety. It's taken so long for me to pick out the things that will cause stress and not have those things in my daily life. It's not easy but it's really necassary for me and my sanity! It's funny but when I was pregnant and breast feeding, I was fine. I guess all chemicals and hormones had balanced themsleves out. (Don't get any ideas, people! I can't be pregnant or breastfeeding forever so there is no point in going back for a short while of balanced living!) I remember telling Rob, "I think this is the way people are supposed to feel. It's great!" Now, I'm trying to intentionally live in a way that will bring myself less stress. This is not always in my control though. I can't control the people around me and how they react and things they say (husband included!!!). I guess that is something I'll have to keep figuring out. It's gotten easier with Rob. He is a man of God and acountable for his own actions. I don't *usually* worry about what he says! But, I can't control how people act toward me or what they do or say. I am learning (very slowly) to just step back and not let it overwhelmingly upset me and get me out of sorts. I have a very long way though. I'm one of those people who will run a converstation, situation or comment over and over and over and over in my head wondering what I should have done or said differently. What should I have said or done to make it right, better, ok or even how could I have just made it turn out different? I can dirve myself crazy with it, I really can! I can also drive Rob crazy with it (sorry, Babe and thanks for the all the patience). So, that is something else I have really been trying to change. I have to make things right in my head to make everything ok before I can let anything go. But, really, what I need to do is check all my actions, reactions and words against what Godhas told me is right through His Word. Then I feel I can live a life without second guessing myself and worrying about everything. While I've made leaps and bounds torward this, tomorrow I'll be taking a new step by letting the girls know - we are no longer shouting from room to room to talk or ask questions.

BTW, does the title of the blog sound familiar? Just wondering if anyone else knows what that is from?? It's one of my favorite movies!

Setting a good example

I feel like a total failure at this. I won't lie, I am a yeller, I get overwhelmed super easily and I today I just feel like I'm not good at being a mother or the wife of a future pastor. I knew the day would be a struggle from the start this morning. I've just been really struggling with life in general lately. I know it's because I haven't been spending enough time with God lately. I find other things to do with my time and have been avoiding my time with God. I wonder why? Is he going to reveal something to me that I just don't want to follow? I don't know. But, this morning the girls were bombarding me. Big time. They just would not leave me alone and they were fighting. Finally I told them they could go out to the pool at 10am. Well, almost immediately, they started fighting and talking hatefully to each other. It was terrible. Then I lost my temper because Penelope would not stop asking me for a band aid and she wouldn't leave it alone. When I told her no she could not have one, things turned ugly and we were all screaming at each other. Then they were crying and whining and I seriously thought, "I just cannot do this anymore". I am so worn down emotionally. I feel like such a failure in so many ways lately. A couple minutes after all of this happened, the doorbell rings. I thought, "What in the world? Who could that be?". Well, it was my next door neighbor, her 2 daughters and her 2 granddaughters welcoming us to the neighborhood. I felt so low, so horrible. She said, "we wanted to come over sooner but we kept missing you. We heard you outside this morning and said, we'll go over and introduce ourselves". How embarrassing. What did they hear? What kind of example am I setting not only for my kids but for my neighbors. Turns out they go to Arlington some and want to go more, they want their kids to get more involved in the youth group. Oh yeah, that's great. They are living next door to a youth leader who yells and freaks out and kids who can't get along. I'm really struggling with this role as I knew I would. But, in different ways then I thought. Today is not a good day. I feel down about so much and taking a look from the outside of myself and my family and seeing what other ppl may see of us, I just am really struggling with feelings of never being good enough or stable enough. I've got to get back to spending a lot of time in God's word and talking to God. I realize this is the only way I'll ever be able to be a good example because I simply cannot do it myself. The stakes are higher now for my actions and it's something I HAVE to remember. I cannot let myself be selfish and just act on emotion anymore. It's going to be interesting as I start to pray for this....again. I've prayed about it before and just waited for God to take care of it for me, take away the anger and impatience. Well, needless to say, he hasn't just taken it away as a favor to me. The clouds didn't part, the sun didn't shine through and I didn't have some great weight lifted off and God didn't say to me, "You're healed! It's all gone!" Dang it! I really was looking forward to that. Instead, as soon as the girls would wake up, they would start to complain and bombard me, I immediately had that angry feeling taking over and would lose my temper, Rob would say something that irritated me and the whole world just made me mad. Seems God is telling me to go about this a different way! I'm going to try to figure that out...we'll see what happens. He's doing a whole lot of stirring in my heart over a whole lot of different things. I realize he's trying to get through to me and wants to do great things. I just have to be willing to give him the opportunity and do some work myself.

Could it be?

I've been struggling for years to know what to go to school for. I'm pretty content where I am, not worrying about going back to college. Well, there is a possibility that I have finally found something that would interest me enough to go to school for!

This week I started thinking about our church and how easy it would be for us to reach out to our church members more during the week and to reach out to a new and younger crowd. I proposed some ideas to the pastors and from that I was put in charge of tweeting and facebook for the church! I am really excited about this and think it's really good for me. I mean, isn't that what work is supposed to be...something you love to do and then you HAVE to do it?! I'm not getting paid or anything, but it's giving me something to focus on that I really enjoy and feel I'm pretty good at. So, this got me thinking, I love computers, I love design, I love creating....why don't I go to school for web design?! Now, I know NOTHING of web design. How hard is it? How long do you have to go to school before you really know what you're doing? That's my problem...I want to know NOW. I don't want to sit around and learn stuff I don't need to know, I'd rather figure it out myself. I'm not sure if anything will come of this, but it could be really cool!

On another note, Rob has 2 of his last 3 classes going on right now. He's getting way better at time management and it is helping a lot! These 2 classes seem like they will take up a lot of time with writing and such, but I think it really helps that he is *thisclose* to starting seminary. He is so excited about actually getting to go to school for something that interests him so much. His application has been sent in Southern Evangelical Seminary, they have it, they accepted it, now they are just waiting on his transcripts!

School is over for the year (for me anyway, the girls still have a week and a half left much to Penelope's displeasure). We had our preschool graduation last week. It was a relief in a way for me not to have to teach anymore, but wow! When it comes to saying goodbye to some of the children in your class who you don't know if you will see again - it is not easy! One thing I did find out about myself...I'm getting over my fear of being in front of people. It's been good for me to have to be in front of crowds, during communion and graduation (to name a couple examples)...just don't ask me to say anything! I haven't come that far yet!

Restless feelings

Rob is feeling more restless than usual with his job. It can't be easy to dislike where you go and what you do every day to earn a living. There are 2 ways to look at it, either God is telling him that even though he is in the apprenticeship and on his way to being a full time pastor, that is still not enough for now. Or God could be telling him to pray for patience and to have open eyes to what God is trying to teach him right now through the next 2 1/2 years. Are these feelings telling us that we need to step out on a ledge even more and put our trust into God even more by quitting this job now and trying something different? Or are these feelings telling us to fervently pray for patience and understanding and contentment? I'm not sure. I feel like I already have so much faith in where we are moving with our lives. I know (or at least think) we will take a big pay cut when Rob quits his current job, but I do feel that God will provide and I'm not scared or even nervous about that pay cut. But, then again, we have 2 1/2 years to prepare for that and prepare for it, we are. We've buckled down a whole lot on what we spend our money on. There are so many things I see that I would like for our new home or I would like to get for the girls, but I just don't let myself. Somewhere I read in a magazine about how a couple knew they were going into the ministry, they knew tough times were to come so they went to the Bible and the story about Joseph interpreting Pharaoh's dream about Egypt having 7 years of famine then 7 good years. Because they knew this was coming in the future it gave them the opportunity to follow the Bible and save for the slim years. That's where we are right now. Trying to save like crazy, trying to pay the house off faster than usual and trying to put the money we do spend toward adding more value to the house. One thing we realized when we bought this house; how it really paid off for the people who built it and owned it to put their money into it. We want to continue to add to the value. It also makes it hard because I do not feel restless and I do feel we are where God needs us to be right now, but I am not the one who has to go into work and feel so unfulfilled everyday. So, we are in major prayer over all of that right now and who knows where it will lead! I trust that as we pray more, God will reveal His plan because I know he does want us to know it.

I had my 7th Mother's Day this past weekend! It's funny how your wants and desires change over the years. I used to want a whole day and gifts lavished upon me. Ehh...not so much anymore. Now, what does my heart good is thoughtfulness. For the girls to be excited and wake up early and get daddy to make breakfast for me. To see the joy it brings them when they bring me little homemade gifts and to just watch my face to see how I react to the gifts. To see the cards that they picked out for me by themselves. Really it is so sweet and that means so much to me. They let me sleep in on Sunday, which of course, meant I could not sleep past 7am! Why is it always the case that when you are given the chance to sleep in, then you can't! Never fails. Then, they brought me breakfast in bed - an omelet, sausage and strawberries with whip cream. Then brought me the sweetest cards ever and were so excited they could hardly contain themselves! It was a great day!

On another great note...I only have 3 more days of teaching this year. While I really do enjoy it, I did not take the summer off last year and it had me burnt out before the school year even began. I am so thankful for the super sweet children in my class who kept me going and I will really miss them, but I cannot wait for summer to come! Especially now that we have a pool! I'm thinking about starting Margarita Mondays and Thirsty Thursdays for all the moms out there that need a break and want to bring the kids over to relax! Mondays and Thursdays coming soon!

First family picture taken in front of our new house.

Easter Sunday...new little girls

Easter Sunday 2009 was quite possibly the best days of my life. It certainly was the best day in recent history that I can remember. It's the day our 2 daughters decided they would make a public declaration that they had decided to follow Jesus. Can anything be more meaningful to a parent? I'm not sure. It's such a huge fear to think about my children not being in heaven. I was worried that the girls were too young at first. It's easy to say when you are young, "Yes, I love Jesus and I want to follow him"...man, how much harder it gets the older you get. More temptations, more freedom...easier to justify actions. But, then again who are Rob and I to tell the girls, "ou've come to us and told us you want to ask Jesus into your heart (without us asking them to do it) and you've said you want to get in front of the church and make this public, but sorry....you are too young." It just would not have been right. So April 12, 2009, rolls around. Rob's whole family and my family show up to church which was incredibly meaningful to us. It's good to know that our families have now experienced the church family that so changed our lives and the church that hopefully Rob will be working for one day. I went and got the girls and changed them into their clothes they were getting baptized in. It was so special to see them waiting in line with other friends and church members who were also making that commitment. And how amazing to get baptized on Easter Sunday. It makes me sad to see how easy it is to forget or not really get the significance of Easter Sunday. It is the day we celebrate the most important, the biggest day in our history! The day that Jesus brought hope back to us! He conquered the grave! He conquered death! Incredible and amazing! I mean, do we all get that? The day is to be celebrated like no other day. And for this to be the day that our girls were baptized on meant so much! There they were symbolizing going into the grave and rising up washed and cleaned and new. Wow. Just wow. Something else that was so wonderful was that Rob was able to be a part of the baptism. He's not been ordained yet so he could not do the baptism himself. But, that actually turned out to be really cool. His really great friend, Rick did the baptisms with Rob in the pool and Rob helped him dunk the girls under and bring them back up. This was meaningful because God has used Rick in such a huge way to help guide Rob in the direction he is supposed to be going with his life and to serve God. It was really special to have them in there together to baptize our daughters.

One thing I really love about our church - the freedom we feel to celebrate God's goodness. So many times you go to a church and you have to be proper and quiet. Not ours. We are told to forget the person standing next to you, don't worry about what they are thinking of you. Celebrate Jesus and what he has done in your life. Man, God is so good and I'm so excited about it. I just thought that the whole way through the service. I don't want to be quiet and stand still, I want to just praise God for what he has done in my life and the lives of our daughters.

On that note I'll just put down a few lyrics that mean a lot to me right now. "My Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of creation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquored the grave!"

The body of Christ broken for you....

Sooo.....we had a pretty big adventure in the ministry last Sunday. Apparently someone in the church did not get the memo that I have a serious fear of being in front of ppl. Much less having to hold communion bread for all of them! Right before church started last week Rob told me that I was going to help give out communion. At our church we've started something where 2 couples stand in front of the church, one on each side. One holds bread, the other grape juice cups. We go by rows in the church and everyone files to the front to break off a piece of bread and and get grape juice for communion. As each person goes by you have to say "The body of Christ broken for you" or "Christ's blood shed for you". Well, I had no clue what I was doing and almost had a panic attack thinking about it all throught church! But you know what? I'm really sick of being so darn worried about being in front of people. I went on up there and had no idea what I was doing! But, I made it through and I felt really good about it. It was funny though because one of the pastors in our church is aware of my fear and he said, "I did not volunteer you!" Then, as he was about to walk away he said to Rob and I, "Welcome to the ministry...things change quickly." It made me smile and realize - this is it! This is my new life and I'm really excited about it.

Saying goodbye

It really was so sad the last night we spent in our first house. Rob had not felt sad at all until it was empty (except for the dog in his kennel and us with our plastic glasses of wine). We looked back over all we had done to make this little brown box our very own home. It didn't even look like the same house as when we moved in. We sat down with our plastic cups of wine and did a toast in honor of change. Leaving a bitter sweet chapter and starting a new adventure. We still have all the memories of making grilled ham and cheese sandwiches when Rob would get home from the restaurant at 10pm. Isabella was a little over a year and would wake up to see Daddy. Simpler times! Memories of finding out I was pregnant with Penelope the day we closed on the house and eventually bringing her home from the hospital! Rob joining the army....our late nights on the phone while he was in Korea. Those are very few of the memories good and bad. It was good to look at each other and know we understood what the other was feeling and we would both always have those memories together. Besides, we all need new adventures in our lives and we are ready!!

First post

First I want to say, I thought of the name of our blog when Rob and I went for our first youth group trip as chaperones. We'd only ever gone on trips as students so it was a funny feeling to be on the other side of it all! I've been waiting a long time to actually get to post something to our blog. As many of you know (from my notes on Facebook) Rob feels led to go into full time ministry. We recently got the opportunity to head in that direction with our church. So very exciting to see God's plan coming together. I hadn't even thought it could happen this quickly, but it has been very encouraging especially to Rob who feels very unfulfilled in his current job. Now we have moved into a new house. We are so excited about the house because it is a new start and large enough to have people over to minister to. So, within a few weeks Rob started an apprenticeship with church and we got a new house. God has been so very good to us and we are thankful. We prayed and prayed about this house that if it wasn't God's will for us to move and live in this house that He would make impossible for us to get it. Instead, He put it even further within our reach and we are thankful! The first night we actually got to stay here we sat down at the table and prayed together that this house would be a house that people can come to and feel welcome, to know they aren't judged and to know they can come to for help. We prayed that many people would come to know God in the walls of this house and those who already know Him would learn more about Him, their walks would be deepened through talks and discussions and encouragement. All we want is to share the blessings God has given us with others. We don't deserve anything He has given us and we haven't earned it. God has simply blessed us and all we want is to be used by Him to reach out to others. We pray our new house is used for His will.

More good news....we have figured out that Rob will get to start to seminary sooner than we originally thought. Can't wait! It is all so exciting and feels so right for the first time. I'm thankful that we have finally realized the calling God has for us as a couple and a family.

So to sum it all up, Rob is in an appreniceship with our church (this is so he can learn more while he goes through seminary), we have a new house that we pray is used for God's will and Rob gets to start seminary in a few months!

My least favorite part....unpacking! As soon as I can find our batteries for the camera I'll be sure to post some pics of my progress or lack of!

Be sure to check back for updates, it's an exciting time and a new start.