Just because we can

I've been sick for the last few days. Really sick. While this totally sucks, it has given me a lot of time to think and pray. Nothing like not being able to do a thing but lie on the couch and have your kids asking you for something every 5 minutes when you just want to sleep away being sick!

Yesterday was an awesome day. Rob took Isabella to softball practice which just left Penelope and me at home. She begged me to come outside to hang out because it was so beautiful. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted her to watch TV while I was on the couch in my misery. But, she wanted me to so badly that I couldn't turn her down. Once she got me outside, she begged me to go on a little walk with her. I thought, what the heck...why not? Penelope was barefoot and begged me to let her go without shoes. Remembering when I was little, how much I liked to be barefoot, I let her. It took an unexpected turn for me. It was the best walk I have ever been on and some of the best 30 minutes of my life. We danced on the side of the road, walked in the middle of the road, walked backwards up the hills, the wind blew on our faces, it blew Penelope's dress out while she was twirling, we talked about how amazing God was to let us see the moon and the sun in the sky at the same time, we petted donkeys while curling our toes under in the grass so they wouldn't chomp our toes off (see above picture!), we put our heads all the way back and looked up at the sky while the sun hit our faces! All just because we could. I followed Penelope's lead and allowed her to be who she was and just enjoyed it. I was awarded with hearing, "Mommy, I love it when you make everything fun. I'll always remember this." Ah, how my heart swelled at hearing my little girl say that. I was completely wiped out when we got back home, but it was so worth it. I feel like I spend so much time with the girls...we're always doing something fun and learning new things. Especially going through this tween time together. But it's not often enough when I'm alone with one of them and we just are. We're not really doing anything except being us. How great to see their little hearts coming through and to reach their hearts. Not to mention how much it feels up my heart.

I'm currently praying for women who will come into the girl's lives that can mentor them. How awesome would it be for them to have other Godly examples of women in their lives that they can spend time with, who can get to know their hearts and their desires, who can answer questions that may come up. I think this would be an amazing addition to the girl's lives. It's also all made me realize that for awhile I parented from arm's length. I was afraid to throw my everything into how they would maybe turn out one day, I was afraid to have any expecations because what if I failed? And isn't it just a given that they will go through a rebellious period and totally mess up for awhile? God has opened my heart lately, to pull them in closer to me and to really search what they need as growing girls to stay on the path he has prepared for them. I feel like he is really answering my prayers and revealing what he desires from me as a mother. I've been through it all, I should know how to aproach the girls, how to guide them. Slowly but surely I am learning. I wish it hadn't taken me so long, but at least I've got these really important years with them, to grow with them. I'm so thankful that my heart has opened and I'm not longer afraid of failing, no longer afraid to give them all that is within me. I don't think I'm "over mothering" either, I think it's a happy medium. I'm not expecting them to be perfect, I realize I can do everything in my power for them and they will still mess up. I'm not banking my whole future on how they turn out. But, at least when I look back, I can say I did everything I could to help them, guide them, teach them and love them. I did things God's way. No regrets.