Moving on....

I've had an amazing week. One of grief, of encouragement, of clarity, of happiness, of peace and of moving on.

Sharing what is going on in my marriage and in my heart has brought me such happiness. I've learned new things about friends and about myself. I got a sweet note from a friend that let me know how my actions this past year did hurt her at one point, but then she realized if she was going through that pain, how much worse was Rob and my's pain as we struggled to bring our family back together. This really hit me hard...this was not someone I thought I had affected at all with my actions and it made me realize how far reaching our actions are. If we are on the verge of sinning, it's something we should truly consider. We aren't just hurting ourselves or even just those in our family or who are super close to us...our sin is so much more far reaching and we don't even realize it. It brought me to a place of true grief. I've been waiting for awhile to get to this point...I had grieved my marriage and what I had done to it, I had grieved the example I set for my daughters. But, I had not grieved everyone else I hurt. That's not the woman I want to be. Man, I really want people to look at me and say, "What a beautiful woman of God. She has really come to a place where she isn't afraid to be a woman, isn't afraid of her beauty, feminity and is courageous." I mean really, women who compromise themselves or hide their beauty and femininty (or for that matter, flaunt it), who hide behind being busy or being a mommy are all over the place. I want to truly be captivating...not by captivating men and getting their negative attention, but by being captivating to everyone I come in contact with that they would want to know this God who I live for and know him very personally. I'm really beginning to see what it is to be a daughter of God and it's fulfilling more and more of what I'm looking for.

In church we have been going through the book of Timothy and have heard messages on leaders in the church. Many times I've sat there and thought, gosh...Rob is going to have to do something else with his life...there is no way I'm ever going to be ready to be a leader's wife. Today, I was sitting there thinking, wow...I've been looking at what we've gone through so negatively that I didn't realize how much more I have grown and matured into the woman God has called me to be. He has truly started to move my heart in a way where I can be a much better leader than I could have been before. We should never count anyone out when they sin...God can lead them to such a better place after being in the depths of sin. After church, our pastor and his wife invited us out to eat with them. It was so encouraging. They wanted to talk to us about becoming more involved with the church and slowly making our way to leadership. And guess what?? I wasn't scared! I didn't shy away or back off, scared of being hurt again or messing everything up again. I just know that God is working and he's making our path clear, just as I've been praying. 3 things I know - 1. sharing my story of what is going on in my marriage and heart is what God is calling me to do and 2. he's leading Rob and I to a place to really touch some lives for him. 3 - I'm healing and moving forward.

Music for today:

Today is the Day
by: Lincoln Brewster

I'd post it here if I had any knowledge of how to post a youtube video on my blog!

By the way, if you know of anyone going through difficulties in their marriage or of any women trying to find their hearts in God...then please tell them about my blog!